I posted quite awhile ago about how our dog Itchy had had a seizure. Given that he is around 20 years old, we didn't think he had long to live - but he seemed to be doing okay for several weeks. Last night he had another seizure and took a turn for the worse. I am pretty suprised that he lived through the night. He is doing a little better today, and he isn't in any pain (we would have him put down if seemed to be suffering), but he is definitely dying. Neither Ar or I go crazy over our dogs, but now that we are saying goodbye, I am really suprised at how sad it makes me. He is such a good dog, and we all really love him. Isaac was having a hard time for awhile, and gave Itchy a stuffed puppy to keep him company.

Feeling sad at saying goodbye to Itchy has made me feel all contemplative...a big part of my job as an oncology nurse is to watch and help people with their dying. I love that part of my job. I know it really bothers some people, but it just doesn't scare me anymore. Sometimes there are people that I am just angry about their deaths, people that are just too young to die, or people whose families are in turmoil, which can bring a lot of ugliness.

I feel like it is a real privelege to help people and their families through it all. Dying can be pretty awful, but it is also a wonderful thing for people to be able to say goodbye to their loved ones. I hope that when those that are closest to me die, I have time to say good bye. I like my life messy, and being able to be with people when they die opens me up to so much that is real and special about being human. I don't think I am a very articulate contemplator, but that will have to do.